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Valerie Deegan-Johnson Bushwacker Hot Mess Jackass Charm Soap

126. That's how many bars of soap I have made in the past 10 days. Most went according to plan, until my bush got fucked. Bushwacker that is. It's totally my fault.

Ok, this is how it happened. 

My routine is- turn on tv or Johnny Dollar for background noise. Either let Hulu or episodes of my favorite insurance investigator play without me needing to do a damn thing. The day my bush got fucked I chose to have Hulu do the thinking for me. Hulu (the bitch. I swear it's a woman) chose a bloody train wreck of a show called The Characters. I allowed my eyes to meander to the tv while waiting for the lye water to cool. Big mistake. I think I caught a few of the nasty Japanese Lady Beatles flying around our house in my mouth due to its gaping wide open position in pure disbelief as to what I was watching and yet I could not move. I think it was shock really. Luckily, the episode did not last forever, but it was just long enough.

I composed myself. Performed a quick healing ceremony to cleanse my soul and proceeded to add the lye water to my oils. Before I could even pour the soap into the mold it solidified in the bowls. Desperately, I scooped, shoved, tapped, pounded, prodded, jabbed, swore, and broke a sweat. I even had to resort to pliers and a knife to remove the divider from the mold. That's when I realized my bush(wacker) was fucked.

This lead to the idea that Jackass Charm Soap is going to need an "Oops" discount section. But this really wasn't an oops moment. This was more like What the Fuck Happened moment. This shit is a hot mess.

Still suffering the emotional scaring of The Charectors and my poor bushwacker being all Hot Messy, I decided I needed to redeem myself. To ensure success I fired that crazy ass bitch Hulu and put my smarticles hat on then got to work.

Hot damn! This time I totally nailed the Bush(wacker)!


Nailed Bush

It's a spearminty shaving bar, which makes me wonder if it will make bits-n-pieces tingly. HMMMMMM.

Back to the hot mess. I'm digging the whole Hot Mess name to go along with that WTF look.

What do you think?

BTW - WTF Bushwacker will be ready for purchase June 3, '16. Reserve yours today! This is clearly a limited item. 

Did you find a typo or grammatical errors? Good for you. Please feel free to snicker to yourself. I ain't no English major.

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