You'll fall tits over dick for us!
Cart 0

Winter Wonderland My Ass

Valerie Deegan-Johnson Bad Momma Beanery Lip Balm Lip Scrubs

Sometimes a solution can be found more effectively when the problem is personal; in this case Ruthie’s problem is your gain!

If you were not aware, there is this thing called winter and it happens once a year. In the Midwest it particularly sucks. The heat at the Sudsalot’s abode has been on more than it’s been off. Our lack of a humidifier and Ruthie’s persistent lip chewing, picking, & licking has inspired us to delve into the world of Lip Balm and Lip Scrubs.

It was an interesting voyage. Keeping our lips smooth should be easy, but looking at the lip balm market proves it’s an irritating pain in the kisser. Apparently, water loss from the lips is three to ten times higher than other parts of the face or body. So really, the best treatment is to drink more water! 2 liters a day they say, but Ruthie still had questions....and found answers.

Why do we think we need lip balm anyway?

Well, honestly we don't, however, having a barrier from dry, cold, and shity air will help retain moisture in your pie hole reducing your chances of developing chapped lips.

With all the damn balms in the world why are so many barely effective or worsen the condition?

As it turns out unknown allergies to ingredients such as beeswax, lanolin, or soy exasperate dry lips and can actually cause someing called addiction. Reason is that the allergy fools you into thinking you need more balm and reapply, and reapply. That's why so many people obsessivly apply lip balm. And, while fragrance (including some essential oils) is an attractive draw for many people, they too can act counterintuitive. Let us not forget flavorings and colorants. Ugh! Why do so many companies add this shit? Because desperate fools like Ruthie purchase it. Well no more! Ruthie developed her own balm.

We are proud to introduce you to one of our new members of the Jackass Charm family. Its name is

Drink More Water Lip Balm by Jackass Charm Soap

Yeah, drinking more water is the best treatment for chapped lips! The second best treatment is Drink More Water Lip Balm. Why you ask? Let’s have a gander under the cap, shall we? Ruthie chose these 5 ingredients for her balm because ---

  • Candelilla Wax [Candelilla (Euphorbia Cerifera) plant] is nutrient rich and you're less likely to have an allergy to it. It’s the slide, the glide, and the slight shine. It forms a breathable barrier giving your lips a chance to heal.
  • Coconut Oil has anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and moisturizing properties.
  • Mango Butter is high in vitamin A which is thought to be a fine line eraser.
  • Macadamia Nut Oil is packed with antioxidants and essential fatty acids.
  • Meadowfoam Seed Oil is moisturizing and antioxidant rich.

There are no colorants or other added crap. Sometimes simple is effective and true, however, there are those people (like Mr. Sudsalot) that insist on some scent. So, for yous peoples we have a spearmint option.

Now that you've moisturized, you now have flakes of skin rolling around on that kisser. This utterly annoying and un-enticing attribute for fish face selfies lead us to the band wagon otherwise known as LIP SCRUBS.

Oh, lip scrubs. Some are pleasant; others are full of shit you don't want near your mouth. Some are greasy, messy, and not worth the time. Seriously, peeling is so much easier. 

Like a blind man pissing in the wind, the years of education in the cosmetology industry came back to Ruthie. Exfoliation is the key. The first formulation was sent out to many homo sapien test subjects. Ruthie, being one of those test subjects, hated it while others liked it, but it lacked greatness. It smelled good, but it didn't exfoliate well and it was too greasy. It needed to be solid, un-messy, non-greasy, and an effective exfoliant. Dearies, that's how Kippy Kisser evolved 


from this... 

to this. 

Kippy Kisser Lip Scrub by Jackass Charm Soap

This lip scrub was designed to exfoliate and moisurize pre-moistened lips, like right out of the shower moist. Otherwise, it'd be like expecting sandpaper to smoothe you heals in the dead of winter without any moisture. Shit, even concrete gets polished with water ferfuksake!

What's in it? I thought you'd never ask! Bad Momma Beanery's Hippy Chick takes center stage for this one.

  • Sugar the exfoliant
  • Mango Butter is thought to have anti-inflamatory and anti-aging qualities
  • Shea Butter is thought to provide a breathable layer on your skin that may help protect against harsh elements like sun & wind.
  • Mocha Butter - this is when Bad Momma Beanery steps onto the stage. We combined cocoa butter with a hand-milled coffee infusion of almond oil and organic fair trade Hippy Chick into an aromatic mocha butter that moisturizes luxuriously.
  • Candelilla Wax - a nutrient rich wax that stabilizes this formula so you can actually scrub this lip scrub in circular motions on your lips without it falling apart.
  • Coffee Oil - Bad Momma Beanery is at center stage aiding to this amazing smelling, all-natural moisturizing infusion that is easily absorbed into your lips.
  • Macadamia Nut Oil - another antioxidant and fatty acid rich oil that the delicate skin of the lips love. Mature skin loves this too!

If you leave with any information make it be this...

Drink more fucking water! Your body will thank you. (and Ruthie, rum doesn't count)

Oops; I think the retired massage therapist in me was showing. Awe shite! Did you find a typo or 2 and a major faux pas regarding grammar? Good for you! Feel free to snicker to yourself. I ain't no English major and I tried my bestest. Smooches!!!  

Older Post

Leave a comment