F*ck Winter Hand Cream

Snow on Halloween. Minus 4-degree wind chill in early November. Heat's been on since mid-September. Why do I live in the midwest? 

F*ck Winter. This uber-luxuriously moisturizing hand cream is thick, silky, and provides instant relief that lasts! However, don't apply before committing a crime; the police won't need to dust for fingerprints. They will be clear as day!

 Don't worry, the label does not have a U disguised as an asterisk. 

Ingredients:

Distilled Water, Olive Oil, Shea Butter, Emulsifying Wax NF, Mango Butter, Glycerin, Castor Oil, Stearic Acid, Sodium Lactate 60. Germall Plus (preservative), & Vitamin E (soy-based).

His Essential Oils: Orange, White Grapefruit, Lime, Eucalyptus & Fir.

Her Essential Oils: Tea Tree, Geranium Rose, & Lavender.